Really frustrating

That's it. that is really all i have to say right now. I somehow just wanted a semi pseudo public place to say it. I am in my 8th month of ttc, just crossed into the second half of the two week wait. I spend hours and hours typing search terms like, "7dpo no signs, but pregnant" into google, just in the vain vain hope that some magical page will pop up that definitlevely tells me Hey, yes you ARE prgnant. This is nuts, I know. But this process has made me nuts. I am not publically nuts mind you. Just today my sister in law told me it was amazing how well I was handling this. I told her that she doesn't see and hear me when I am alone with my husband M. or myself. I think she thought I was kidding or at least being very self-deprectaing. I wasn't.

Instead of googling every tiny twinge and reporting every feeling that courses through both my body and mind to very patient but much less emotional than me, M. I think maybe I will write about every tiny twinge here. And I will gain some comfort? Or will at least get bored of the computer and my thoughts and go do something productive...like actual work.

If I had spent as much time working as I have spent researching, obsessing etc about trying to get pregnant, I would be very very on top of my job.

I do talk to my husband. I do talk to my friends. But really, this is going to be my space for unmitigated Kookiness. The place where i will write about boob tenderness, heartburn, and cramping. I will report on hope, hopelessness and maybe, just maybe will feel calmer about the whole thing.